dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
