thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
