every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
