Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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