Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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