I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
