it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
