i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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