Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
