i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
