Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
