I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
