the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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