I seem to have left my pride at pride
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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