i think my tv is drunk
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
