not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
