Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
