we're chasing vodka with high fives
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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