now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
