the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
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