it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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