your parents love me but you hate me
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
