a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
