Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
