Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
