Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
