Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
