it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
