just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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