oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
