I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
