Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
there is glitter all over my balls
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
