Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
