she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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