he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
