Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
