Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
