Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Randomize
