I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
barbara walters just said penis...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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