I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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