It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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