I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
