OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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