I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
