I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
