ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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