So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
