My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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