The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
