Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
