Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
