I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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